It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
