Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
