Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
