best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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