I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
