remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish you could order shots online.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
