do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
