Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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