Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
