Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
