I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
