My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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