mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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