I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
