I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
