Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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