We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
