Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
