Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
