Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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