She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
