smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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