Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
