Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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