i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
