you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
