So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its not stalking. its research.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
