I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
