so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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