Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
