There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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