I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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