people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize