it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
MIDGETS
????
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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