I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
