it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
