it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
