"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
