Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
