Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
