That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
