Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
