I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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