I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my liver is dry heaving
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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