You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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