We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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