Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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