dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize