Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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