bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
