There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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