garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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