I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
