The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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