listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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