They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
