sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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