just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
