I wanna passion pit in your ass
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think my moral compass just broke
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
