alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
