i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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