I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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