Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
