I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
