I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
