I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
