so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
